That moment

That moment when the emotion stops being a feeling and becomes something so real. Something inside you that hurts and you can't make it go away.
That moment when you look at her and it feels like someone just socked you in the stomach.
That moment when you realize you hoped in vain again.
That moment when your eye keep drifting to her face and you can't make them stop.
That moment when walking is the only thing that keeps you from falling apart all together.
That moment when you want to poor your feelings out like liquid from a pitcher but you don't know how.
That moment when you realize it doesn't really matter anyway.
That moment when you realize what it is to be a man.
That moment when you think you could take on the world no matter how hard it got.
That moment when you're with a friend that makes it hard not to be happy.
That moment when you grow just that little bit more.
That moment when you find it's ok to be a little childish.
That moment when the emotion grips you so hard you just have to lay down on the floor.
That moment when you're not sure if you could ever live with out her.
That moment when the sadness becomes happiness.
That moment when sadness makes you stronger.
That moment when there's nothing but peace.
That moment your still waiting for.

February 2012

i got a laptop. The main reason is to write music but hopefully i will be able to get a tablet so i can start making concept art with Photoshop. which would be awesome because then i can create sad art of old desolate cities that look like they just went through a major zombie apocalypse.

and stuff like this

and this

maybe i'll do some warriors too.

But anyway right now i don't have a tablet... but i do have a keyboard so right now i'll just try to write some music.  getting my key board was fun.  i met andy after work at the max station and we went to guitar center...  a pretty awesome place.  so we hug out there for a bit messing with this and that... i decided i want a turn table.  which is sad cuz i don't even know how to use one... xP  but they look so cool. after guitar center we went to costco and got some hot dogs then to the church where we messed around with auto tune.  he recorded the singing part the the song he's writing (which sounds awesome by the way) and then back to guitar center cuz the mixer he got for his mic didn't have a chord.  after we went back there we when to carls jr.  the best fast food place in my opinion.  then back here to write some dubstep. oh yeah...  then we skated outside for a bit ate and he left.

painting abstract is so hard... :P  i was trying to paint like brian rutenberg...

unfortunately i realized i can't accomplish in one month what toke a genius 40 years to learn. :P  but i did learn a TON.  one thing i learned was that i was trying to control the paint....  instead of trying to guide it and make it do exactly what i want i decided to let it do it's own thing.  where ever my brush decided to go that's where it went.  my brush would make a stroke that would be it.  i wouldn't try to blend or smooth.  no strait edges no drawing shapes.  i realized it's best to get in and get out.  blop and that's it... nothing more... it's that simple.  XP  i also learned that a painting takes thousands of strokes to finish...  i was trying to come up with some kind of genius in the first five strokes.  which doesn't really work... after a month of trying to do abstract landscapes i ended up with one and turned out somewhat good.

anyway here it is... i was thinking about adding a wash then busting the contrast in the back and the vibrancy in a couple of the yellows...  id probably do the wash in blue... yeahh... i think blue.

when i was at guitar center i also got a chord that made it so i can plug my computer into my tv and use it as speakers which is super awesome... so yeah now i'm sitting in my room listening to some dupstep and bein' happy...  ok that's all for now... i'll probably post again in like a month or something...

here is a new post so my creepy emo picture isn't the first thing u see when u come to my bloggything....  xP

here's a picture of a guy i drew...yup....i couldn't get a very good pic of it :P

 here's a painting i paint on some wood frames i made ALL BY MY SELF!.... well almost... :P

i haven't painted the sides yet....

i feel... like really happy right now.

this is the one you saw raquel... it has a robot... xD

i forgot that when i started this blog i actually wanted to post art. then i remembered... like a few seconds ago... so here's a painting i just painted...

it's not that impressive.  and a lot of people might not even call it art at all.  but i didn't even rly try to make it visually stunning.  actually i didn't try to make it anything... i just did it because i wanted to...  every time i make art i try to make it... u know... all this and that and stuff.  but this time i just painted whatever came to mind.  which is actually hard for me.  i've always tried to make each piece of art i do perfect.  not just like the lines all strait and smooth and stuff.  i mean as i painted i was continually questioning what i was doing worrying about ruining the painting. i don't do that when i have a reference of course just when i'm painting from my head.  most people have this thing against abstract art...  but then again most people are uptight.  anyway i think abstract takes a lot of skill.  it's not so much about ur ability to manipulate paint than so much to to be bold and fearless letting ur own creativity come out.  the only way you could understand it is if u tried it ur self.  if you've ever looked at abstract art and said that's not real art, try this...  bye a canvas take some paint and paint what ever comes to mind first.  let ur impulses guide u completely (that's not as easy as u think.)  then when ur done take a pic and post it to facebook clamming that you are an artist and that this is you expressing yourself through art.  try it... i dare u... O.O

this is after i did an effect to it... it actually looks kinda cool now.